The bond between parent and child is one of the strongest and most rewarding that human beings build. The unwritten code underpinning this relationship is that parents cater to their children's needs when they are young and vulnerable while children reciprocate this gesture when their parents are old and frail with considerably reduced capacity to care for themselves. Establishing this bond with your child is both an enlightened self-interest as well as a wise investment because if your child turns out well, your future is well insured.
As a private medical practitioner, I see this play out in real life. There are a few instances when parents cared for their children while they were growing up only for these children to abandon them in their old age. This is the exception rather than the rule. I had an 85 year old Nigerian woman who needed a hernia surgery and the son who had a good job in the oil industry asked me to get the best hands to treat his mother at any cost. He was scheduled to travel to the United States for a business purpose but on getting to the airport he was so emotionally attached to the mother that he cancelled the trip. The surgery was successful. Later in a chat with the patient to know why his son dotes over him, she said, "when my son gained admission to the University, I sold my only property to fund his education since his father was deceased and no help was forthcoming". On the other hand, I have seen elderly patients who hoped their children will come to their aide while they are sick or pay their bills and these patients suffered bitter disappointment. It is either they did not make sufficient input in to the lives of their children or they did and the children just did not turnout well. I talk to parents often that children and computers have one thing in common; what you put in is what you get out.
Parent child relationship starts with good antenatal care for the pregnant mother. Antenatal care aims at preventing deformities in the new born child. At birth, allowing the father into the labor room strengthens the bond between husband and wife on the one hand and parents and child on the other hand. A father who witnesses firsthand the travails of his wife in labor goes away with an indelible impression of the true value of his child.
Spending time with the newborn, changing nappies, breast feeding, singing lullabies to the child are all exercises that build strong bond between parent and child. Watching your child achieve development milestones such as when the child can sit, crawl, stand, walk and utter babbles are all things that bond the child to the parents.
When both parents give care to the baby, it enables them identify any special needs and characteristics of the baby that require care and very early in life, they accept the child and these challenges with equanimity. Parents who spend time with their baby grow to love their child and see their role majorly as protective instead of inflicting harm on the baby.
Parents who have strong willed children and who noticed it early in life, develop ways of making the child do their bidding without resorting to maltreating the child. Providing for your child makes him or her of great value to you and helps in strengthening the parent child bond and this serves as a deterrent to child physical abuse. The child has become a treasured investment worth protecting.
Communicating with your child positively as he/she grows up strengthens parent-child bond and enables differences to be settled through dialogue without resort to maltreatment. Children raised with positive affirmation are confident, eager to learn and generally act to please their parents.
Dr Francis Edo Olotu is the Medical Director of Christ Hospital, Ondo. He is also a family counselor who regularly counsels married persons and administers pre-marriage counseling to couples about to marry in his home church of St John Bosco Catholic Church Ondo. He is a frequently featured speaker in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal. He is married to Catherine and their marriage is blessed with four children in the age bracket of twelve to twenty two. Dr Olotu is the author of the following books: The Amazing Power in Fatherhood; Releasing the Power in Fatherhood as well as Your Guide to Cancer Prevention.
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